Practical Parenting - Peaceful Partnerships: Parenting Post-divorce

Divorce can be a difficult and emotional experience, especially when children are involved. But there is a way to approach this difficult transition with sensitivity, ensuring children feel loved and supported despite the changes in their family dynamics. Whether you’re in the early stages of a divorce or managing an existing co-parenting arrangement, insights in this episode help you approach the situation with compassion and provide needed strategies for navigating this life transition while prioritizing the wellbeing of your children.

The stress can start with the announcement. How do you tell your kids about the divorce? It’s important to avoid detailed explanations about the reasons for the separation. Instead, parents should focus on reassuring their children that both parents still love them and will continue to support them, even though they are no longer together as a couple. This reassurance is essential, especially for younger children, who may mistakenly believe they are at fault for the breakup. Keep the message simple and direct, focusing on the child's emotional security rather than the adult issues at hand.

As always, listening to children and validating their emotions is an essential part of communication. To help connect with children’s feelings and ensure they are not overwhelmed by information that may not be relevant or useful to them, ask what they know about divorce or what questions they have about what will happen, and then provide age-appropriate answers.

Divorce takes an emotional toll on parents and children alike, akin to a grieving process. Parents should not discount taking the time they need to heal before trying to support their children. Self-care is crucial for parents to be effective in their new roles as co-parents. While it’s natural to feel anger and frustration during this process, it’s important to manage these emotions in a way that doesn’t involve children in adult conflicts.

Parents can set themselves up for co-parenting success by establishing a business-like partnership with their ex that focuses solely on the wellbeing of their children. If emotions run high, it’s better to communicate via email or phone rather than face-to-face to avoid escalating conflicts.

Creating a consistent and predictable routine can reduce the stress of the transition between two households for children. For those co-parenting with an ex who refuses to cooperate, seek legal mediation to ensure the child’s wellbeing remains the priority. It’s also important not to speak negatively about the other parent in front of the children, as this can lead to emotional strain for them.

Despite the challenges of co-parenting, there is hope. Over time, emotions settle, and the focus should always remain on supporting the child. Remember your actions, even during difficult times, set an example for their children on how to handle adversity and conflict.